Laundry and a Few Pictures From Before Lunch

This week has seemed busy, but not productive. It feels like one of those weeks in which you are constantly working yet everywhere you look, nothing seems done. This is no doubt due at least in part to a couple of things. For one, I was gone most of last weekend. I had my doula training workshop Friday night, and all day Saturday and Sunday. It was absolutely wonderful and now I'm proud to say I'm a trained doula, though I won't be certified through DONA for a while longer. It's a bit of a process. I have so much more to write about that soon! As awesome as the conference was, being gone all weekend meant a lot of things didn't get done. Laundry piled in the hallway, and dishes piled in the sink.
There is a lot to do to get back on track. In a family of this size, you'd be shocked at how little it takes to derail things and have mess start stacking up.
Another setback is the number of sick children we currently have. It seems like everyone has had an ailment this past week- tummy issues, fever, sore throats, colds. You name it. With the little kids, this equals lots of sheet and bedding changes for obvious reasons. That means extra laundry. The third issue keeping things from flowing smoothly over here (I know I said a couple, but I guess it's actually three things) is the fact that it's that time of year for a change out of seasonal clothes. That's a huge undertaking for me. I need to pack away all the summer clothes- shorts, short sleeve shirts, pool floaties, swim diapers, bathing suits and trunks- and unpack, wash and hang all the coats, sweaters, long sleeve shirts and jeans. It takes a while to do and creates quite the unsightly mess in the dinning room and laundry room. It also sets back the laundry process because of the fact that since the winter stuff has been sitting in storage all season- it all needs washed. So suffice it to say that our washer and dryer are pretty much running constantly this week. On a very positive note though, I am bagging tons of both summer and winter items up for local drop boxes in our area.

I took these pictures today at lunch, shortly before the bus came for Alexandria and Isaiah. Would you believe the bus comes at ten past 11:00,meaning we have to start lunch EARLY around here! That's actually a great thing though- way more time to have the kitchen picked back up again before I start dinner (which is often started during nap time). This afternoon, while the kids waited for their chicken nuggets to be ready, we played around with the camera. We brought out our fall placemats this afternoon and so the kids were very excited about that! It's the little things...sometimes the very little things.

Hypochondriac and other random stuff

On Wednesday, Brandon and Mia had check-ups at our pediatrician's office. Brandon started sixth grade this year and so per school rules, he needed the well visit. Mia was long overdue for her 12-15 month checkup (as she's seventeen months now). This appointment had been scheduled and re-scheduled so finally we made it happen.
Brandon was a bit apprehensive as we sat in the waiting area. Before we were even called back, he started. "I think I have a hernia" he stated. Okay, to be fair, he did make this same complaint a few weeks back but since his "pain" quickly dissipated, we didn't make an appointment. Now suddenly, his "hernia" was back with a vengeance.
So we explained Brandon's concern to the nurse practitioner who examined him and declared that she could find no hernia. Almost immediately, Brandon mentioned that he felt he needed his platelets checked. "No, Brandon, you don't need your platelets checked, you have a hematology appointment next month, they'll be checked then. They're fine," I told him.
"Okay," he admitted. "I don't need my platelets checked. But what about my urine? Remember you were supposed to bring me for a re-check of my urine and didn't do it!" He was very hopeful. The nurse practitioner agreed that he probably did need to have his urine looked at, and sent him into the bathroom. A minute later, he returned with his sample. "Look, Mom!" he called out, holding the cup up to the light. "Look in here! You see those little pieces? Those particles? THAT could be sugar! I think I could be diabetic!"
"No, Brandon, you aren't diabetic. That's not sugar...probably just some skin cells from the tip of you penis, really." I told him. I reminded him that next time he should potty a bit before collecting the sample.
"Well, then....it could be sperm!" he replied.
"Okay, seriously Brandon. It's not sugar. It's not sperm. Your urine is fine, your platelets are fine and you don't have a hernia. Now that's enough. You are healthy." I told him firmly. At that he seemed to give up and was relatively quiet throughout the rest of the appointment, until his vaccination showed up and he asked for his little sister to get her shots first.
After he got his shots and we left the office and headed to the van, he struck again.
"Oh, mom...I can't breathe! I think I'm allergic! My heart is going really fast!"
Oh crap, I thought....but then I looked at him, with his great big grin spreading across his face. I shook my head at him and opened up the van door. "Get in, Brandon, and don't talk again till we're home."
He is such a hypochondriac. Doubtless, this is a left-over effect from the years of his life that were indeed filled with medical issues and emergencies. He's always had a tad bit of trouble with the fact that he doesn't have to worry about this anymore. I think it's equal parts fear, anxiety and the fact that he enjoys attention. Tremendously. And the only thing that perhaps rivals that love of attention is his corresponding love of drama. Any drama. His, yours, mine, a strangers. It's all good to him. And because he's known so many other children, aside from himself that have been sick, he still doesn't fully register that sickness is the exception, not the norm. That severe sickness is in fact, NOT usually uncovered at the pediatrician's office. That most illnesses are simple viruses and infections that get better quickly, either on their own or with the help of a prescription for an antibiotic, they are not usually life altering events.
So at this stage, a well check visit with Brandon is an exercise in frustration and annoyance. I make faces at him and pretend I'm totally exasperated with the things he says and his silliness. But the truth is, secretly, I love telling him how healthy he is. I could repeat those things to him a million times. And he gives me a million opportunities. Every single time.

Mia also had a great appointment. She weighed 23 or 24 pounds (how quickly I already forget) so it's obvious that any fears we used to have about her gaining weight or falling off her curve are put to rest. She has gained significantly since that time and we are so happy about it. She's meeting all her developmental milestones and is doing fabulously. She isn't fond of visits to the pediatrician's office which usually means she nurses non-stop and tries to avoid all the staff. She was mildly nicer to everyone on Wednesday though.

In other news, I have something exciting to share! I start a doula training workshop tonight. It runs all weekend long so Albert will spend most of the weekend alone with the kids. I am super happy about starting this training which will hopefully lead to a new career opportunity as the kids grow older. I have alot of other things to do besides this workshop on the way to full certification, so tonight is just the first step. I am a little bit nervous, but really excited and really happy about the prospect of helping other women get the birth that they want- but more on that later.

I'm happy to report that my new organizational approach to this school year with the kids has been working out awesomely! I'm still keeping it up and so far- great results. But more on that soon too!
Since I'll be at the workshop most of the weekend I probably won't be posting much. I will be home at night (but you all know that Saturday nights are COLLEGE FOOTBALL!) so it will probably be next week before I can post again. Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

In Praise of College Football

**I wrote this yesterday but had issues with getting it to post...sorry for the delayed timing!**

Saturdays in the fall are my among my favorite things in the world. I can't get enough of them. It's college football time and anyone who knows our family knows how huge this is and what this means. For those of you who don't, I'll explain.
College Football Saturdays mean that we spend our day watching football. We don't make plans, we don't go anywhere, except maybe the store to purchase our yummy football foods that we fill up on all day long. We don't watch any other TV until late at night when our games are over. Saturday's are for football. Normally, when our kids play for Mascoutah's community organization, we have to record our games so that we can attend theirs- but even still, it's football. I was raised this way. My parents taught me this insane mania. My dad once declined being the best man in his friend's wedding because the friend planned a September ceremony. My mom regularly turns down events and get togethers that interfere with our team's games. Our team by the way, is the awesome South Carolina Gamecocks. I am lucky that I married someone who shares my intense obsession with football. I'll call it a passion. It sounds better. Over the years, we've heard our share of teasing and irritated comments from friends and neighbors who don't seem to understand...who wonder why we won't attend the birthday party or gathering they've invited us to. I try my best to explain to them, but somehow "I can't come because my family is watching football" just sounds sort of....well, shallow.
It's not JUST the awesome-ness of the game that I treasure however. It's the awesome-ness that RESULTS from spending our fall Saturdays this way. On Saturday, Albert and I are together. In the same room, often on the same piece of furniture, sometimes cuddled up in the same space. Our children, for the most part, are gathered around us. There is no where to go, because other plans are off limits. We eat and drink and sit together and cheer together. All day long. With each other and with our children. It's wonderful. And now as an adult, I can't help but wonder if this is part of what my own parents found so attractive about spending their Saturdays watching football.
Albert and I are both passionate about our respective teams. I scream weekly for South Carolina. Albert does the same for Tennessee. We pull for each other's teams most of the time, and indeed for the whole SEC conference. But just as importantly, we spend those days next to each other, shutting out all the stress, responsibilities and cares of the world...those can wait till Monday.
So today, I'm making Chocolate chip cookies while we watch our games. Later, I'll make tacos while we watch South Carolina battle Navy. It's a beautiful day, slightly chilly. But we have blankets and lots of bodies close by. And this is why I won't venture out...this is why all invitations for today will have to take a rain check. Today in fact,the whole world will have to take a rain check. It's football time in the Fontenot house.

The Way Things Change

Does anyone else notice how much life changes once the school year starts up again? I sure have. Just a month ago, we were staying up late, watching movies, playing video games, eating dinner at 9:00 at night sometimes. Then, sleeping in until ten the next morning, taking our time at everything we did. Some days we'd decide spur of the moment to go out to eat or go shopping or just to do something fun.

Our days sure do look a lot different now. Now they are structured, not at all spontaneous. Everything is plotted, planned and allotted. The only spontaneity I get now is an unscheduled trip to the gas station to pick up a sports drink for Manny, or of course, the ever unpleasant un-scheduled trip to the school because one of our kids has left something important at home.

I have such a love-hate relationship with these changes. On the one hand, It's all conflicted and doesn't make sense. I miss being with the kids all the time but I'm glad to have some space without them- I told you it's conflicted and doesn't make sense. I hate dragging my butt and theirs out of bed so early in the morning, but that cup of coffee is darned good at 7:30 when half of my kids are off to school and if I'm lucky the other half is still asleep. And even when I'm not so lucky, usually at least one of two of them are still asleep. I'm in love with the fact that I can keep up with laundry and keep the downstairs kept up (except for this week in which my research project is due for my class that ends on Friday). I'm not in love with the fact that we can do pretty much nothing on school nights that doesn't throw the entire evening of homework, dinner, chores, shower, bed into complete and total disarray. Football games are about as far as we venture and those nights can be tough without proper planning and organization.

And that brings me to another point. I am not, by nature, an organized individual. I'm not that super together mom who has all the PTO dates on her calendar and can tick off each scheduled school event from memory. Yeah, not me. In fact, I avoid the PTO like the plague. I have, through unrelenting necessity, learned to be organized in some aspects. For instance, after years of constantly loosing important school forms, notes from the teacher and field trip permission slips, I have this year implemented a filing system in which each school has it's own file - one for Pre-K, one for the elementary kids, one for the middle school and one for the high school boys. It has helped tremendously. I have also learned to lay out clothes the night before. Okay, so apparently the secret to making this successful is actually having the laundry done and having clean clothes on hand to be able to lay out. Who knew?
I've also learned to start dinner during nap time. Even though it's hours before we'll eat, doing things like browning the ground beef or making a sauce is much simpler during nap time when the twins are in school and everyone else except Sydney is napping. It's a wicked punishment to try to cook dinner in that same awful hour that kids are clamoring for help with homework and the doorbell is ringing every five seconds with neighborhood kids eager to play. And Mia with her incessant desire to be held and/or nursed. Things go so much smoother if the bulk of dinner is already prepared. I've also started making sure we eat much earlier than we otherwise would. That way, there is plenty of time for homework checking (and the re-doing that often results), showering (because some of our boys just wouldn't if we didn't make sure it happened) and a on-time bedtime.

Structure is also not in my nature- I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of gal. But that isn't very condusive to raising ten kids, so I'm learning on the job. And trying to embrace the structure.

So far, it seems to be paying off. The kids are all doing well in school so far. Jackson is a "Spelling Whiz kid" this week, meaning he made a 100% on his pre-test and doesn't have to take the big test Friday. Manny has a 104 average in one of his classes and everyone is happy, clean and wearing nice clothing. And well fed. So that's success. And better organization. But we haven't had a date night or done something fun in a while. I hope that's not a permanent trade-off.

Blankets, Naps, Fights and Freshly Washed Sheets

Albert and Brandon are away at a safety class that they need to take in order to get a hunting license. The class runs most of the day Saturday and then most of the day tomorrow. So I'm at home with the other nine darlings on a college football Saturday, full of great games. I'm not alone (besides the nine kids). Our good friend Jeni is here with me. Her parents are out of town, so she stayed with us last night. It's been so nice having another grown-up to talk to .
The kids are always a little out of sorts when Albert isn't home. This weekend is no exception. They are loud, argue frequently and about any little thing too, make big messes and generally are being hard to handle. Alexandria is currently crying for about the 7th time today. This time it's because Isaiah took a blanket off of her. Even though he has his own. On his lap. She's whining and crying and yelling "He messed up it," over and over. It's seriously time for a nap.
At lunch, after I passed out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I poured glasses of milk for everyone and handed them out. As I turned around to put the peanut butter back in the pantry, I heard the dreaded slosh of spilled milk. I quickly grabbed a rag and wiped it up reminding Bree to be more careful. As I rounded the corner to the sink, I heard it again. The slosh and splat of a spill. This time on the floor. This time from Sydney. I looked up in exasperation just in time to see Mia flinging milk from her sippy cup as well. Apparently the spill proof valve isn't doing it's job. Shortly after, it became nap time for all little kids.
Jackson and Brice have fought all day. Fought over Jackson's book order form. Fought over each other's spelling lists. Fought over the Swedish goldfish from last night's movie night candy. Fought over toys. Fought over who touched who's peanut butter sandwich. They are now too the proud recipients of a couple hours worth of nap. That leaves only the twins awake (and of course Drew and Manny, one of whom has locked himself in his room with his Ipod touch and the other of which has disappeared to the school volleyball game). The twins are now fighting over blankets. If I had a spare place to send them, I'd do it. Since I don't they can rest on the couches by me.
Just this morning I was talking on the phone with Anna and Lisa about the negative consequences for the entire family of moms relying solely on dads to discipline the kids. More specifically, the dangers of moms always telling the kids "wait until your dad gets home" and then pawning the responsibility of discipline for the things they kids did on mom's watch, off on dad. And yet, I find myself in exactly that situation, as it seems the kids are immune to my words of caution, reproach, or corrective measure. The only authority I seem to have today is that of sending them to their rooms for a rest. They wouldn't act like this for their dad, oh no. He'd have to give them a single look and they'd straighten right up. Isaiah wouldn't be hanging sideways off the couch right now, and Brice wouldn't be appearing at the bottom of the steps asking for "one more chance" for the tenth time, seemingly forgetful of the 10,000 chances I've already given him today before sentencing him to the nap. I am at the very brink of having to use that awful phrase "Wait till your dad gets home."
Off to wash sheets. My favorite Saturday chore. No really, it is. I love the smell of freshly washed sheets.

School is Back in Session

School started yesterday. Today is the first full day. I have mixed emotions. On one hand, right now I am blogging and Sydney is sitting across from me playing with pennies. She's the only kid who isn't either in school or taking a nap. And that is fabulous. FABULOUS. On the other hand, gone is all my time with my children, waking up late, spending long lazy nights. In its place is the alarm ringing at 6:15 a.m., rushing to make sure dinner is ready at a decent hour of the evening, book bag checks, spelling lists and homework, laying out outfits and making sure everyone can find two socks of approximately the same size and shade of white. Not sure if the trade-off is worth it or not but right now, it sure feels like it might be. I wonder if Sydney would lay down on the couch with me for a short nap? Going to find out...

Questions Without Answers

Drew's platelets are low again. And at just the wrong time. Our primary insurance expired on the 31st. That means we can't attend clinic at Dr. Bob and Dr. Rob's anymore, at least not until Albert picks up benefits with his new job and we can re-join them. In the mean time, we'll have to be followed at St. Louis Children's Hospital. And before I could set up an appointment at the Hem/Onc clinic, Drew's platelets dropped, necessitating a visit to the E.R. On a Sunday. Of a holiday weekend.

When we arrived here this morning, the nurses greeted us skeptically. Drew had only one bruise. How could we be certain he was low on platelets they asked? Well, because, Drew just knows. He can feel it. More than that, he can sense it. He's had this disease since he was 18 months old. His body just lets him know when he's low. He is otherwise fairly asymptomatic. Rarely does he exhibit the telltale signs of low platelets- never any bleeding, rarely any petecheie. Just a random bruise and that feeling.

The nurses took his blood and left the room, still suspicious and skeptical, but friendly. Forty-Five minutes later they returned bearing news of what we already knew- Drew was low on platelets at only 12,000. "He's 12" one nurse sighed, remarking that she was amazed at how in tuned to one's body one must be to sense something as outwardly silent a low platelet count in the absence of physical symptoms.

So that landed us on the Hematology/Oncology floor. Overnight. As we trudged up to our room, I remembered my last visit to this place. It was to see Dr. S., one of the few doctors here that I trust fully. We have a history with this hospital, and not a pleasant one. Drew used to be treated here as a toddler, before we found Dr. Rob and Dr. Bob. Our hematologist at the time was one we were not on the same page with and one who didn't seem to think that our views, as very young and inexperienced parents, were not something that she should consider. We did not agree with the treatment course at the time and she did not agree with our choices. When we left, I'm sure it was a relief for all involved. So coming back here has not been without apprehension.

But I digress. The last time we were on this unit was to take a tour of the bone marrow transplant unit, in preparation for the transplant it was beginning to look like Brandon was going to need (transplants in St. Louis are done here at Children's). Dr. S. who is the transplant coordinator, was going to start the paperwork to locate a match in the national registry. It had been a horrible, rotten day. And being back here felt weird.

I have gone to the cafeteria three times today which means I've been afforded ample opportunity to walk past the glass windows to patient rooms along this floor. I've seen too many children with masks covering their faces, doubtless a result of a low ANC from Chemo or bone marrow suppression or God knows what. Walking by seeing bald head after bald head is shocking and yet vaguely familiar. Drew and I have both complained about having to spend our Sunday here. But the reality is, we'll be free as of Monday morning. Sure, we'll have to return to clinic but in the grand scheme of things, the ailment that brings him in, his I.T.P, is a relatively benign condition as long as it's treated quickly and effectively. He'll walk from here tomorrow. My biggest worry is that the plastic pillows are woefully inadequate and my grandest fear is that I won't get much sleep because of it. Yet in many of the patient rooms that surround ours, other mothers are facing far more significant fears. Fears that I remember even though I desperately don't want to. Truthfully, I don't want to look. I don't want to think about the battles that are going on in those rooms and in the lives of those children and those families. But I do anyway. And I feel a wild tangle of emotions- guilt, gratitude, sadness, anger. I'm always paralyzed and crippled by the things that don't make sense in life- how is it chosen who's children get better and who's don't? Is it random? God's design? strictly biological? I've heard it said that God is always in control. I've heard it said that things like cancer and disease and illness are not the work of God? Well, I want to know, which is it? How did Brandon escape the perils of his disease when others...other children we know, did not? And that's perhaps the main reason I don't want to look, or venture out to the hallway another time, or pass another beautiful bald head in the elevator, or see another teen-ager with a mask. Because I'm taking my healthy son home tomorrow morning and my other healthy son in remission will be waiting for us on the porch. And I'm so grateful and happy about that, I could shout it from the roof-tops. And here, in this place it seems just the tiniest bit unfair. And I don't know how to process those emotions. Am I blessed? Without a doubt. But what about the kids who don't get better? Were they somehow less blessed? Of course not. Were we lucky? Certainly. But luck doesn't seem the right word either.
I imagine it would be a bit like walking through a famine stricken area, amongst starving people, starving children and having a pot roast in your hands, that only you can eat. And you'd gladly share it with every single person you see, but you don't have that power. All you can do is be thankful you've been fed.

As I returned today with Drew's lunch, I passed the sign that read "BMT". I stopped and looked at it for a moment. Then moved away from it. It felt good to walk away from it.

Happily, the doctors that we have seen here have been amazing. Excellent. So far, my fears about returning to this have been alleviated in that department. I saw a note attached to our door with the name of the doctor ultimately in charge of our care. Dr. S. I smiled when I saw that. We'll be okay here until Albert gets new insurance and we can return to our "home" clinic with Dr. Bob and Dr. Rob. Clinic with Dr. Bob and Dr. Rob is different. It's a happy place. It's not surrounded bone marrow transplant units and planted right smack dab in the center of the Hem/Onc unit of the hospital. It's something opposite of all that. It's like a hideaway, or a sanctuary. A happy, fun place where kids play and laugh and just so happen to be getting treated for Leukemia or Neuroblastoma or Sickle Cell or Aplastic Anemia or brain tumors. I miss the warmth and comfort of our old clinic. I can't wait to have them back. Until then, this is clinic. For both our boys. Both of whom will be in need of checkups in the next couple weeks. Both of whom are doing so well. Tonight I'm praying for the children here who are not doing so well and who still have long battles in front of them. And for their parents who fight these battles beside them, and seek answers to haunting questions and solutions for impossible problems and comfort for inconsolable circumstances.

Random Reflections- Game Day Edition.

College football is here!!!! It's Game day!!!!
We are so excited. Can't wait to watch Tennessee play. The fans are currently being evacuated from their seats b/c of storms passing through. Thus the game is delayed. South Carolina plays in about a half hour. We'll have to flip back and forth.
I have all our game day foods made: Buffalo dip, Mexican dip, butterscotch truffle, two Oreo cheesecakes(that didn't turn out that great), a big pot of chili and some hot dogs plus pizza. Yum, yum.

I have fabulous news! Drew tried out for Jr. Idol in Belleville and got a letter in the mail today saying he made it to the finals! We are so excited for him. He will now compete in the finals in October at the Chili Cook-off. We are so excited and proud of him. He's working hard to pick out a great song for the competition!

Manny had another great football game this past Thursday. Two touchdowns, he caused a fumble, had tons of tackles and batted down a pass. We are so proud of him also!
Gotta keep this post short! It's Game Day!!!