Stalked by the Stork...a diary of raising twelve kids

Having twelve children is an amazing blessing and one heck of a crazy ride. Join us through all the joys, smiles, tribulations and trials as we navigate this fabulous journey!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Drew's Health Class and our disasterous trip to the grocery store

So the last two days have been quite interesting at our house. Yesterday, Drew came home off the bus and looked a bit...well...I don't know, embarrased maybe...or maybe it was dred that was all over his face. Anyhow, after fumbling around for a few minutes, he produced a packet of papers that he told me he didn't want me to show his father. Immediately I protested and told him that whatever it is, we can't keep it a secret from his Dad becuase that doesn't work in our family. Then he told me that he didn't want his Dad to see it beacause it was embarrassing but that I'd need to sign the papers indicating that I'd reviewed the material with him. He slowly and regretfully handing the paperwork to me. It read...

"Dear Parent/Guardian,

This month your child will have the opportunity to participate in an abstinence only based sexual education program in his/her health class......"

You get the idea. I looked over the paperwork, with it's detailed and quite graphic illustrations, descriptions and passages relating to all sorts of personal matters. I then looked at my son's agonized face, already turning red...avoiding eye contact....obviously praying that our carpet would somehow open up and swallow him whole. I though about what I could say to help him relax and not feel so ashamed. I thought of all the wise, mature, Good-Mom remarks I could make at this crucial and sensitive crossroads for us. Then....I busted out laughing. Not just a small giggle, but a big, loud, abnoxious, full on cackle. I read a few passages out loud while Drew rolled around on the floor probably now wishing the carpet would open up and swallow ME whole.

Later on that evening, I set aside time to truthfully and seriously discuss the material in the pamphlet with him. Actually both Albert and I sat down with him. We wanted to be serious, but not too serious. Even though Drew was embarrassed and clearly wished he could be elsewhere (the sink full of dirty dishes suddenly seemed to be calling him) he listened, although usually with his face covered up. Every few passages, Albert and I would crack a joke that would really irritate Drew. Finally, obviously fed up with his parents immaturity regarding a serious matter, Drew decided to turn the tables on me. When I got to a passage that was a little too discriptive even for me, and I tried to skip it, Drew called me out saying "No, Mom...why don't you go ahead and read it...out loud. If I have to be do you!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My son is too much like me! So I read it and as I tried to explain to him what it meant, he again turned the tables by cutting me off and telling me exactly what it meant....complete with slang terminology! Suddently I was the one who covered my face and wanted to crawl under the blanket and HIDE! Albert on the other hand, was completely enjoying the whole scene.
By the end of the night and the end of the discussion I felt very glad that he had brought home the paperwork. I had not realized that he knew as much as he did....I was a bit sad to realize that but also glad that I did so that I would not continue to be naive to what he knows. Also I think that all joking aside he now knows we are not going to be prudish and uptight if he needs to come talk to us. He knows that we are approachable about sex and that we see it as completely natural and normal (although not for him!) The fact that it is normal and natural was proababy the biggest issue we stressed because I feel that if you, as a parent, take the holier than thou stance, your kids won't come to you later.

So, it was quite the learning experience for all of us. On a side note, I was beaming with pride over the fact that Drew had all the basics of fertility and reproduction down pat. He can explain conception like a pro!!!!! I think by now in our house...even Brice can! He can also say that he has attended a birth...although he told me that he currently has no plans to make that fact known!

As for the grocery shopping I went shopping and took Sydney, Brice and Jackson with me. Normally I have a personal rule...NEVER TAKE BRICE SHOPPING ALONE! meaning, just me as the only adult. Within moments of entering the front door of ALDI's, I remembered why I've clung tightly to that rule for the last couple of years. Before we went in, I had the requisite chat with Brice and all know the covers basic grocery store ettiquite such as no adding crap to the cart, no destroying the meat or produce, no taking things from other carts, stay with me at all times, don't knock anything over....

Well, Brice obviously had mentally checked out of that conversation because as soon as our cart cleared the doorway, he threw the first thing he saw into the cart. It was a bag of snickers. As I removed the snickers and replaced it on the shelf, I turned to discover that Brice had thrown a a bag of skittles in the cart. This continued all the way down the isle with frequent breaks where would scold/beg/plead/threaten/pinch him into complying with the rules. Finally he grew tired of adding groceries to the cart, and at that time simpy chose to run. And run he did. He ran down the isle and into the next. Now, if you have an Aldi's you know that it is cluttered, over stuffed and it was the 1st which meant it was packed with shoppers. I could hear Brice calling my name and taunting me from the next isle but my prediciment was, I couldn't leave Sydney with just Jackson (not always the brighest bulb) to go chase him down. Finally I had to do just that (and Jackson did a terrific job). Just as I'd get close to Brice, he'd laugh and take off again! Finally I caught him and physically held his hand under mine on the shopping cart bar while I pushed.

It didn't get any better after that. He tried to steal a beef jerky, tried to run out of line and finally when I told him he was going to get a spanking when we got home, Jackson yelled out (quite loudly, I might add) "Oh Mommy, but you are the spanking saver! You save us from all the spankings Daddy gives us. Daddy is evil but you always save us!" I swear, the things that come from my kids' mouths! Brice then joins in on the act, wrapping himself around my thigh and crying "Save me Mom! Save me Mom!"

Now, we had another stop scheduled. We also needed to go by Walmart for cleaning products and meat. But shortly after, when Brice tried to run outside the store and make a break for the parking lot....I decided to scrap the plan for Walmart. It would be a McDonald's night for us.


Lynn said...

Wow! You do have all the fun, don't you?!

BoufMom9 said...

Ok, so even after talking to you this morning, I am still laughing at your grocery shopping. We never learn, do we? heehee
I'm glad you were able to talk so openly with Drew. We have had the same discussions with the three oldest and embarassed the heck out of our kids too. LOL

TONYA said...

Is it wrong that I'm seriously ROTFLMAO. I mean really, these things can only happen to you. Drew his hilarious turning the tables on you.

Brice and Jackson in the grocery store seriously crack me up. Wonder if CPS will be calling anytime soon from shoppers at Aldi's turning in daddy for spanking them and needing to be saved by mummy LOL.

Terri O'Laughlin said...

I know the class you are talking about. Jess just finished it a couple of weeks ago, but would have been HORRIFIED if I mentioned it on the blog!! I was very proud of her at how open and honest she was but also very shocked at what she knew!!

Man...that Brice..what a character!!

Shannon said...

Sorry about your disaster of a shopping trip, but it sure made for a funny story!

And wow, your kids are so lucky to have you guys as parents. Good job on being so open with the sex ed. discussions! I hope when the time comes, we can get through it as well as you have done so far!

The Romero-Schroeder said...

Wow on the sex talk, the kids get so ahead now!..... Brice OMG again i love the kid, of course i enjoy all his menace!!!

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