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Stalked by the Stork...a diary of raising twelve kids

Having twelve children is an amazing blessing and one heck of a crazy ride. Join us through all the joys, smiles, tribulations and trials as we navigate this fabulous journey!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pizza, Coke and a Tank top...my new birth plan

Today we start the third trimester. This is going way too fast. Even for me. Yesterday, we went to see the midwife and while most of our conversation revolves around issues not even relating to pregnancy (oh come on, with baby number ten...there just isn't that much to say anymore) such as breeding dogs, funeral homes, the yumminess of cookie dough and brownie batter, and the dramatic-ness of raising girls, I did begin my infamous third trimester discussions regarding birth plans, hospital policies and the rules I will not follow. Yes, this is a sensitive issue for me, as I've posted before, and I know most of you recall the big four page birth plan I sent out when I was pregnant with Bree- which was not so much a birth plan as it was a list of wants and want nots.
I fully realize that birth can be directed, but never controlled, and that it can be unpredictable, or as smooth as silk. Well..silk may not be the best word...but...
This time, I have decided- there will be no long, drawn out birth plan..no harshly or gently worded requests, no listing of the things I will not agree to, or the things I would like the hospital to "allow" me to do. I am simply writing the following. Here is my birth plan.

Dear Labor and Delivery Staff,
Yes, it's me again! I am looking forward to a fabulous experience. I won't be much trouble. I plan to labor with a pizza, coke and a tank-top. Every thing else is negotiable. Until the baby comes out. Vaginally. Barring immediate threat to life or brain, I will be delivering vaginally. Again. Thank you for you cooperation.

I did ask if I could ban the nursery staff from my hospital room this time. Sadly, I apparently cannot. Believe me, I would if I could. I told Tammy (the midwife) I would just have to be meaner this time, to avoid getting the nursery run-around. Most of you know, I detest the nursery run-around. My biggest issues are in fact, NOT the things that occur during labor and delivery (most of these things, I find irritating but they aren't deal breakers for me...my problems occur when the baby is out but alas, this is a whole other post).
I will be bringing my snacks, such as pizza or maybe something lighter..during labor (gasp!). Ice chips suck. I am pregnant, quite huge and will not miss a meal. Under any circumstance. I don't care that I'm a VBAC or that I "may" need a C-section. I will not in fact, need a C-section, barring a real emergency, and by consuming a pizza and coke during labor, I will assure myself that the staff will think long and hard about trying to send me down the hall for one over what turns out to be a fairly benign issue. And because I'm such a rebel, I will labor in .....a tank top (double gasp!) Some of you may remember when I had Sydney I had a nurse who apparently thought the baby wouldn't come out if I wasn't clad in the hospital gown! Pizza, coke and a tank top. That's my new, stress free, birth plan!

8 comments:

16 blessings'mom said...

I have had my share of run-ins with nurses through the years. I have had all my babies at the same hospital, and the policies, which I have challenged continuously, have changed continuously. But one they will not budge on is the intermittent (every 15 minutes!!!) fetal monitoring. If I refuse, they whine that THEY will get in trouble. It totally wrecks my concentration, and most times they can't get a good heartbeat with me standing, so I have to climb into the bed....rrr! I always request to just be left alone as much as possible. I am not there to discuss baby names with the nurses. I am excited for you though, and I hope you succeed in your pizza/coke/tank top plan.

Nana said...

As your mom, I have to say - Wow.

Love you!!

albert & angela fontenot said...

Nana,
There's pizza and soda in it for you too, if you come down here in April! You'll have to supply your own tank top though!

Anonymous said...

You're so funny....wish I had a choice...ever...but alas...I never did.
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 37:39-40 But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble. And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.
Prayer Bears
My email address

BoufMom9 said...

Oh Ang! I love you! Thanks for the giggles :)
Hope you get everything you want and a beautiful & healthy daughter!

Sharlene said...

Oh the hospital must just LOVE you! I certainly do!You crack me up as always Ang!

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