Stalked by the Stork...a diary of raising twelve kids

Having twelve children is an amazing blessing and one heck of a crazy ride. Join us through all the joys, smiles, tribulations and trials as we navigate this fabulous journey!

Friday, May 2, 2008

OMG what a day!!!!!

Oh here is a story for you all! On Wednesday, the twins had an appointment for their 18 month checkup. Even though they are now already 19 months old. I should have known when I woke up late that the morning was going to be U-G-L-Y.
Things went pretty smoothly at first. I successfully bathed and dressed each baby. Brice cooperated. Breakfast was had. I threw my shirt into the dryer so that the wrinkles would get out and planned to come back for it in ten minutes. Then wearing jeans and my undershirt (which displayed WAYYYYYYYYYY too much cleavage and was thus used ONLY as an undershirt) I set about making the four trips out to the van to load kids. I knew in the back of my mind I should have loaded Brice first but for whatever reason I ignored my inner voice (aka the voice of reason) and loaded Sydney first. Brice tried to follow me out the door but I told him sternly to wait right there. But did Brice wait there???? Heck no. He darted out the back door with Raja the dog hot on his heels. Now, those of you who know Raja know that once she gets out, she DOESN'T come back for quite a while. And now she was gone. long gone. I could see her tail ahead in the distace, gleefully bobbing out of sight.
I load up the rest of the kids and quickly jump in the van to try to recover the dog. I find her. She sees me. She walks over to me. I get out of the van and talk to her in my nicest voice trying ever so hard to mask the fact that I really wanted to kick her rear end right about now. I open the van door. She isn't fooled because she darts off again. We repeat this scene about 5 times in various points throughout the neighborhood. Finally, already late for the appointment I give up and drive away, hoping she'll be in the yard when I get home and not road kill.
Half way to the appointment I look down and am shocked by the massive amount of boobage I see under my chest. Yes, I have forgotten my shirt in the dryer. I pull up to the doctor's office wearing the undershirt.
As I pull in, I can see no parking spots available. Yet up in front I see that someone with a Mustang has double parked and taken up 2 spaces. In the front. This is my biggest pet peeve in the world (next to parents who talk about how undisciplined other people's kids are when they know darned well that their kids are just as stubborn, whiny, and spoiled as the next sisters and I do this to each other all the time!) Breifly, I resist the urge to RAM the mustang to make a point. Quickly, I stop and pray. Obviously I need too. Having recovered from my urge to demolish the double parked mustang (which had a fat dent in the side and peeling paint on the back anyhow) I proceed toward the office building. I then become enraged again when I see that I cannot access the ramp with my stroller becuase some goober has parked in front of it. I am forced to pop the curb with my stroller. This is a major pain because the weight of the twins, diaper bag and Sydney in her car seat sitting on top in the canopy is quite heavy.
Finally we arrive victoriously in the waiting room. I am sweating, disheveled and have already lost Brice who has run to the adjacent office's waiting room. As I sign in the new receptionist asks me if I have our insurance cards. I look at her as though she is speaking greek. Does it look like I have remembered to bring insurance cards? I tell her that not only do I not have them with me but that in fact, I don't even know where they are but that my money is on the bottom of the garbage container at home. Or maybe the landfill.
We go back to the room and wait for the doctor. The doctor has with her a new nurse practicioner who is joining the office. She looks shocked at the commotion in our exam room. Our pediatrician who is used to us, assures her that it is ALWAYS like this.
I show the ped Isaiah's rash on his legs and diaper area that the ER claimed was a viral rash or excema. The dr. and nurse look at each other and then inform me that it is in actuality a strep rash that will require an antibiotic. Great. This may be the first time any of my kids has gotten strep butt as opposed to strep throat.
Then we move onto shots. Both twins scream. Isaiah is up first. When he gets his shot and starts screaming, Alexandria starts screaming with him. I 'd love to say it was out of sympathy but I have a sneaking suspicion that she simply knew she was next. Sure enough, when her turn arrived, she tired to dig her heels into the floor, poke her behind out and make it so that she had to be dragged to my lap. Isaiah was genuinely concerned for her though and tried to hold her hand and rub her foot when she got her shots. Then I gathered them both on my lap (still screaming) and Isaiah rested his head on Alexandria's shoulder. She reluctantly put her arm around him. By now, the decible level of their screaming, pent up in the cramped exam room had irritated Sydney who decided to join in the screaming. Brice was greatly pleased by the entire scenario and used the time to stuff matchbox cars belonging to the office in his pockets.
Finally we were free to leave. As I steered the twin stroller back to the waiting room to schedule a 6 month checkup for Sydney (so we can come back and repeat the whole morning over again). the stroller wheels began to malfunction. This happens fairly often with the twin stroller which is why I perfer the quad stroller but the quad stroller doesn't fit in the office. The wheels get stuck and you have to literally kick them to get them working right. So the wheels locked and I could not steer. Each time I started the stroller jerked forward but went no where. I kicked every single wheel more than once yet could not steer more than 2 feet without the same problem happening again. The situation was apparently very entertaining to the receptionist who didn't try to conceal her laughter. I couldn't get mad though...I'd have laughed too if I'd have been watching me.
At long last we arrive home. Raja is miraculously back in the house. I assume a neighbor has simply returned her until I get a phone call. It's Robin, my neighbor. She tells me that she came home from MOPS and left her van door open so she could run inside to the restroom before unloading her kids (one of which is terrified of dogs). Wouldn't you know, while she was in the house, Raja JUMPED IN HER VAN! She said her son was screaming and she ran outside and she was unable to get Raja to exit her van. She called another neighbor out and the two of them tried for 45 minutes to remove Raja from the van to no avail. Finallly with no choice left, they called city hall to send someone out to help. City hall sent the police. Somehow the policeman was successful in removing Raja from Robin's van and they put her back in my house.
No wonder when I got home Raja ran straight upstairs and hid under the bed. She knew she was in trouble. Have I mentioned that I really dislike the dog???
So that was our day.
Oh yeah, Isaiah weighed 22 pounds 8 ounces and Alexandria weighed 22 pounds even. If neither of them improve their language skills in the next three months, then Early Intervention will be out to evaluate them yet again. Sweet.
That night I slept very soundly. I detest appointments with the babies in the worst way. This is just a small sampling of why.


The Collins Family said...

You always amaze me! You survived such a morning, then relived it while explaining it to us in a way that has me laughing my butt off, (with you I think instead of at you) ...and you had someone from city hall called on your dog?!? WOW thats all I can say!

TheHMC said...

Ok, so I giggled, but only because I've had those same kinds of days with my 5! I was cracking up when you said "Brice was greatly pleased by the entire scenario and used the time to stuff matchbox cars belonging to the office in his pockets."

I'm glad that you at least got some good sleep that night!

Lynn said...

Wow! What a day! Don't even have words! Hope today was a lot better! Or was that today? Oh well, have a nice, quiet peaceful weekend!

TONYA said...

Oh my word honey, that's about all I can say. It's hard not to giggle when you are telling horror stories yet being so darn funny at the same time.

First of all Strep Butt - I'm trying not to giggle but this could only happen in the Fontenot household.

Second, I HATE people who park over sidewalks and little ramps. I've voiced my opinion to these people more than once much to Jayden's horror LOL.

Thirdly, the thought of you sitting in the exam room with your kids and the nurse being told this is what ALWAYS happens makes me wonder if she'll continue working there or if you will be her new source of entertainment LOL.

I tell you, if you don't write that book I'll have to steal all your blog posts and do it for you

BoufMom9 said...

OH my Frickin God! I know, I am horrible, but I am laughing my ass off right now! It all started with the boobage comment and from there, well, there was no stopping me. heeheehee
I can not wait to see you!!!

Jane said...

Sheesh!!!! Strep Butt, LOL.

Jenn H said...

Now that's a day, LOL!! You're my hero in that you do it all with your sanity and sense of humor intact, AMAZING!!!!

The Romero-Schroeder said...

Holy Shit!!!! OMG LMAO, sorry i know i should not laugh!

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