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Stalked by the Stork...a diary of raising twelve kids

Having twelve children is an amazing blessing and one heck of a crazy ride. Join us through all the joys, smiles, tribulations and trials as we navigate this fabulous journey!

Monday, May 19, 2008

NANA'S COMMENTS

I'm glad that so many of you are amused with Nana's comments in the guest book. As I'm sure you all know Nana is my mom. She isn't really like a typical mom though (unless there is a crisis situation and then she usually steps up). She's more like a really cool/amazing/embarassing friend. I often say that I'm going to write a book of "Nana" quotes. Among my faves was the time that we were all up early one morning getting ready to go somewhere. I had brought whoever the baby-of-the-moment was (I think Brandon) and as we were in the kitchen looking for something to fix for breakfast, Nana swipes her finger through the icing of leftover birthday cake and holds it up to Brandon's mouth saying "HOW 'BOUT A WAD OF FROSTING TO START UR DAY" Yeah. That's my Mom. Or the time Albert needed a new belt and Nana asked "Have you tried Walmart?" When Albert replied that he had not Nana perked up and said "Well f*** son! If you can't find it at Walmart- You don't need it!"
As a child, I was the envy of all my friends because I had the coolest mom around. At restaurants, my mom started food fights. She once spit mini sweeet tarts through straws at my sisters. My father, refused to take our family out to eat. One can hardly wonder why...
She is also reknowed for "accidently" forgetting to pay for items at Walmart. Here's how her game works. She places large ticket items on the rack under the shopping cart. When the clerk forgets to ring it up....Mom wins the game!!! In the past, Nana has "won" a new entertainment center, curtains, and a few work outfits. It should be pointed out in fairness, that Nana says there is no such game. She says she merely puts things under the cart when there is no more room inside the cart and that she isn't paying attention (I can vouch for the fact that Nana is in fact, NEVER paying attention) and if the clerk doesn't see it and doesn't ring it up, why should she go all the way back through the line???
(I'm sure that Nana is less than amused reading this and that she'll certainally have a comment to leave.)
What else to say....Oh yes. She chronically refers to my father as "the asshole" and has infact, taught the grandkids to do the same. So when Umpa comes to visit and unsuspectingly asks an innocent little what "What's my name?" Boy is he shocked to hear "You're name is asshole!"
Score one for Nana.
Seriously though, Nana is fabulous. As long as she hasn't run out of hormone pills! It is my fondest wish to marry her off to someone wealthy and fun. In fact, it's everyone's fondest wish, so if any of you know of someone out there for Nana....please contact me. Nana is very beautiful, very witty (as you can tell) and a lot of fun. The successful candidate will be young (but only at heart), very wealthy (this is more for ME and my sisters than Nana), and will have to be comfortabe with constant chaos. In return, Nana is quite a good cook, a great housekeeper and tends to cater to guys. Seriously. I kid you not. You would die if you knew how many times I hear "Angela, why didn't you pack your husband's lunch?" "Angela, why didn't you iron your husband's clothes." "Angela, clean your house!" Nana's house is always clean. Nana would make a great wife!!!! Any takers???!!!???

76 comments:

Katie said...

Wow Ang- you have Balls!

Nana said...

You knew I would respond - and much to your embarassment, I am responding with out the benefit of hormones. Quit taking them months ago!! OH - are those sweat beads forming on your forhead??
Lets start at the beginning, shall we! So glad to know that I "usually" step up in a crisis situation - other than that, I am not typical. Define typical, and do you really want me to be typical? Is typical a home where mom and dad raise their children and they become nana and umpa? Last time I checked I was put into this untypical life without a say so. And as for "usually" stepping up in a crisis - please let me know when I can "step down" - there is always a crisis/drama going on in this family!

I was talking to Brandon about the wad of frosting - it was when you were here and he and Al went to the UT/Carolina game. I was taking my grandson out to have some time with him - breakfast and a shopping day - just the 2 of us and I didn't want him to spoil his breakfast. So,I figured a WAD of frosting would hold him over. As for Walmart - I'm sure that anyone who reads your blog will agree with me - if you can't find it at Walmart, you don't need it. The f*** son was just thrown in there for the shock factor - remember, I'm not typical. Does it ever dawn on you that I say things just for the reaction?

Ang, you made me out to be a frippin clepto!!!! When I'm shopping there is usually alot of commotion going on with daughters/grandkids! I'm either chasing the g-kids, on the cell with the you guys, work - who can remember what is under the cart! By the way, you for got the vertical blinds!!

Now onto your father - can of worms that you should have never been opened - especially after yesterday's email that thanked me for my "support and concern" with his back problems. Come on Ang, you yourself have agreed (more than once) that he is an asshole. I only tell it like it is :) But, you left out the part that I have taught each and everyone of the kids (the ones that can talk) that Tanya - the Russian wife - is a homewrecker. You should have seen his face when I asked Kylie what Tanya was and she blurted out HOME-WRECKER! He tried not to laugh, but he failed. It was great - one of my most defining moments. Seriously, do I sound like a bitter ex-wife? We really get along great now. Thank God Tanya ended up with the prize and not me!!

Finally - Ang - a husband! There is no man that can handle this family. When I am at my friends, they place bets on how long it will take my phone to ring, which daughter it will be, and what's the drama of the day! And, would I be stupid enough to bring a man home - you guys would pick him apart! So,thanks for you help in putting me out there to see if there are "any takers". What a good daughter you are. But, damnit, pack your husband's lunch.

Sweetie, I may not be typical, this family may not typical, but you all are my heart and soul. I've taught you guys to love and to laugh and to be strong. I want this family to have lots and lots of memories - when I'm gone I want you guys to sit down and tell stories and laugh until you cry. So if it's a food fight, or sweet tart spitballs, or even mt tourched wedding dress, it will be something that you will all remember, and smile.

Love you lots,
Mom

Anonymous said...

Do you realize you were talking about LARGE ticketitems and named the entertainment center and MOM'S CLOTHES!!!

Ashley said...

anonymous was me

BoufMom9 said...

I.CAN'T.WAIT.TO.COME.OUT.IN.JUNE!!!!!!!!

Jane said...

Time for Mom to start her own blog!!!!!

The Romero-Schroeder said...

OMG NANA i so love you and i dont even know you!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

/Damn Nana,
You let the placenta planter have it between the eyes!!!
At least she didnt want to make placenta soup. Supposed to be the most nutrishous thing on earth.

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